What's the square root of 69? 8.306623862918075

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I'm hungry.

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I was sitting in traffic the other day. I got ran over

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Nothing. Muffins are incapable of speaking.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a piece of coal? The coal doesn't scream when you burn it.

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A one legged long jumper missed the world record by one foot.

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My claustrophobia was cured by imagining that all small spaces were naked.

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Why did Nigel decide to lie and remain on the ground? He didn't. Somebody beat him ruthlessly and stole his wheelchair. Nigel has no legs by the way.

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Susie sells seashells by the seashore. Susie was a schizophrenic bitch who caused irreversible harm to her family and those close to her. She also had underage sex with a black guy named John. He was actually a pretty decent guy, but he decided to smoke weed a couple times when his dad was going through some tough times. His dad resented him for this fact and it caused unresolved tension between them for years. This caused John to go out and seek younger girls to have sex with, to fill the emptiness he and his dad's relationship left him with. Meanwhile, Susie was falling in love with John, not knowing his many dark secrets he had tried best to keep hidden from her. Eventually, all of these things come out in the open, and Susie still respects him and ultimately loves him even more for being so honest.

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why dont black people like cruise ships? they already fell for that trick 400 years ago

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What did the squirrel say to the dog? "I have AIDS."

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Q: why can't dinosaurs sing? A: because they're dead!!!

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What is the definition of nothing? The opposite of something.

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Roses are red violets are blue i heart my toilet Becuase it holds all my POO!!!!!!!!

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Who eats chicken noodle soup? Anybody who enjoys chicken noodle soup.

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Q: what did the tractor say when helost his farmer? A: wheres my farmer?

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Guy 1: Ever heard of Ethiopian food? Guy 2: No habla espanol... Guy 1: Oh....

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? Comfortably, four.

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America

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What's broken to the side of the road and covered in cookie crumbs? A girlscout that got hit by a car.

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Why did the football player go to the bank? He had to make a deposit and refinance his home.

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Guess what i realized when i became 18? I was 18

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A penguin is driving through Arizona when his car's oil pressure light comes on. He drops his car off with a mechanic who says he'll get to it soon, and to come back in an hour. The penguin leaves the garage and, seeing a Baskin-Robbins across the street, stops in and orders a dish of ice cream. As he eats the ice cream he reflects on the series of extraordinary events that led him to this place, this time, this situation.

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Why did the boat sink? It ran into an iceberg.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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