a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the dog say to the mouse? Cat

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Knock knock! Who's there? The police, your entire family has died in a terrible car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I know what you do with your right hand. You part-take in everyday activities such as eating, typing, grooming and maneuvering.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the polar bear say when he walked into a sauna? Absolutely nothing because he was a polar bear. I mean seriously, did I even have to ask? Everyone should know that a polar bear is an animal and he wouldn't say anything. If he did it would most likely be a growl or a roar. If you believed that he would have said something you obviously didn't pass the first grade. I finish with the fact that a polar bear would not survive in a sauna because they are accustomed to cold clima I guess this was just a waste of time.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If you like this song so much why don't you marry it? Because a divorce would be tough on the kids

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Hey you wanna hear a joke? Sure! Well first, do you want part of my sandwich? No thanks.........Are you going to tell your joke? Joke? Um sure. I didn't know I was telling one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Would you like part of my sandwich?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the chicken cross the road? The screams were loud. It was just one big fire behind him. He and his fellow chickens had been trapped. They thought they were being freed... They thought wrong. The guards herded them in and then the heat started. The fires began to rage. His friends, his allies, his brothers, were falling dead, burning, beside him. He had to escape. He did not think, only acted. Lashing out at the guard, he knocked him down and ran. He ran and ran until he could run no more, and he still kept running. He could still hear his brothers' screams. He could still see their faces burning before his eyes. He reached the road, and finally stopped. He looked around. The screams had stopped. The heat had left his body. But then another sound came. Yelling. The guards. They were following him. He tried to keep running. But he just couldn't. He was finished. He fell on the road, sliding himself along as quickly as he could. He hadn't run this far to be caught by the guards. He stopped. He could go no further. He looked up and saw the blue sky, cloudless and free. The last thing he heard was a roaring engine. The guards never found his body.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Knock Knock Whos there? It's me Ben. You just told me to come over. We are going jogging aren' we? Oh ya, sorry. I forgot the time. Is it cold out? Ya, it is pretty cold. You should bring a jacket. Ok, let me go get my jacket. Alright, can u grab me a water please? Ya sure. Thankyou.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? None. They use candles

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervour father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happyness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Once upon a time there was a nice old man who loved to ride his bike... He unfortunately died when he had a heart attack.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the lonely man stop talking? He was alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the squirrel say to the other squirrel? Squirrels can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How did the blonde get Lost in her house? Netflix.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what do you call a 19th century steam train driver ? i dont know , depends what his mother named him

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did Chuck Norris say when he saw a cop -Hi

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did Li Chong get an A on his math test? He studied.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When will racism end? When everyone's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

your mom is like a lowling ball, she likes to be fingered then thrown back into the gutter

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Jerry: Hey, do you smell that? It kinda smells like updog. Moe: What's updog?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

My grandmother always said "slow and steady wins the race."...... She died in a fire

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops