Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Humans tend to fight back, and sharks wouldn't usually be so hungry as to endanger their own lives in this way. Besides, most places where humans swim have shark barriers.

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I was having sex with my girlfriend the other night and she called me a pedofile. i told her that was a pretty big word for a 9 year old.

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Laws are initially proposed in Parliament as bills. They become Acts after being approved three times by Parliamentary votes and then receiving Royal Assent from the Governor-General. The majority of bills are promulgated by the government of the day (that is, the party or parties that have a majority in Parliament). It is rare for government bills to be defeated, indeed the first to be defeated in the twentieth century was in 1998. It is also possible for individual MPs to promote their own bills, called member's bills; these are usually put forward by opposition parties, or by MPs who wish to deal with a matter that parties do not take positions on.

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How do you kill a blonde? I don't. Murder is a crime.

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A man walked into a bar, he spilled his drink.

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What do you get when you mix a crap with a fart and a slug? Urmom

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There was a priest, a rabbi, and a shaman. All three of three of them walked into a bar. They began a heated debate over the benefits of their healthcare plan, payed the tab on their drink, then proceeded to drive home in their Toyota Prius.

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A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was tied to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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What did the Hindenburg say? -nothing it just blew up

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Want to know who gets head a lot? Balloons

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If pro is the opposite of con . Is congress the opposite of progress?

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WHat is the one thing an alcoholic needs everyday? Rehab.

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Have you seen Stevie wonder's new mansion? No..... Either has he

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Tie her up and force her to watch as you brutally murder her entire family.

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Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

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Why couldn't Jimmy ride a bike Jimmy is a goldfish

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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A: Knock Knock B: I'm sleeping!

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There were a boy with cancer, and when a said "were" is because he is dead now

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Why don't seagulls live in the bay? Because then they'd be bagels

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One drunk bug looks over to another drunk bug and guess what it says? Your a glitch

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A woman walks into a bar. She is pregnant and gives her baby fetal alcohol syndrome.

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What's worse than 10 babies in one bin? 1 baby in 10 bins.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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