What did the thief get for Christmas? Nothing. He was sentenced to the death penalty.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

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What is worse than getting mud on your brand new t-shirt? Getting stabbed.

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2 ducks walk into a bar. The first orders a drink, drinks it, and drops dead. The other duck said, "Bar tender! What did you put in my friends drink?" The bar tender said, "Poison."

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A black kid, an Asian kid, and a Jewish kid walk into a barrier. They are students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and they walk straight through the barrier onto Platform 9 3/4.

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Will you marry me? No, I'm cake.

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A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender immediately tells him to leave as they don't allow pets.

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your mama is so fat that she weighs 261 pounds.

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how do you make a baby float take you foot of its head

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Amblyopsidae, or blindfish, commonly found in caves where they are well adapted to life in the dark.

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Who's fat? Holly Davis.

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So there were two palm trees on an island. The first palm tree says to the second, "Hey! What's up?" The second one replies, "Nothing much, just chilling." Except they were actually ice cubes.

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How do you fit 100 babies in a bucket? put them in a blender. How do you get them out? potato chips.

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Two guys walk in to a bar the third one ducks.

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What do you call a group of black men jumping off a building? Chocolate Rain

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What color is a banana? yellow.

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My dog has no nose." "How does it smell?" "Potato"

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What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods They both have beards... EXCEPT FOR TIGER WOODS.

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Why doesnt Mexico have a navy? Because cardboard doesnt float.

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What do you do to someone you hate very much? You kill them.

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Why did the tree fall? I cut it.

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Q: What happened to Michael Jackson yesterday? A: Nothing.

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knock knock whos there? your mother your mother who? ...........what?

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What did the English teacher write on a sheet of assignment criteria? The assignment criteria. Plus, she spelled "millennium" wrong.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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