Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

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What's the difference between white and black? White is Caucasian and black is African-American.

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A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender asks: "why the long face?" The horse didn't respond, because it's a horse.

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BEST PLACE IN THE WORLD COPENHAGEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Q: What do you get when you put an ice cube, a grasshopper, a cell phone battery, and a human finger in a freezer? A: A very strange mix of objects indeed.

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Why did the little boy have gum on his shoe? Because he stepped on it

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NO! I'm putting it in my front room, you sick bastard!

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What's two plus two? Window

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What did michael say to sam? (pedo face) YEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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If an aeroplane falls from 15,000 feet in the air and crashes into and orphanage is it possible that no-one will get hurt? No,the aeroplane will destroy the orphange hurting the property value.

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What's brown and rhymes with poop? Dr. Dre.

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An elephant stomped on a mouse. What did the mouse say? Ouch.

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Why did the little girl fall off her bike? Because she had leprosy and had to have her legs and arms amputated

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A man walks into a bar. He proceeds to get intoxicated and then commits a felony.

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Why did the dead baby cross the road? Cause it was stapled to the chicken.

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A man walks into a vagina. The man, expecting a holiday inn, is very confused, and later gets mauled by five bears, who mistook his scent for a fish.

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Decode this; Hetay owcay aidsay oomay. Answer: ummmmm.... Let me think....ummm, does anybody speak pig latin?

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What do you call a black woman that flys a plane? - a pilot...

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What did the octopus say to the squid? Nothing, considering these two species can't speak.

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What happenend after the chicken tried to cross the road? a KFC opend

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Why did the boy fall of the swing? Because he had no arms!

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Lucas talks to mom she says hi

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a. how did you shoot the rabbit? b. with my banana

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What do you do when your archenemy walks up to you? Kill them due to their vulnerability, I mean they walked up to you...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops