How do you make a plumber sad? Steal his plums.

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If the opposite of Pro is Con, whats the opposite of progress?

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You know what turns me on ....? TABLES!! You know what turns me on even more...? TABLES WITH CHAIRS!!!

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Q:Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? A:He slipped and fell. Q2:Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A2:He was stapled to the first monkey. Q3:Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A3:Peer pressure.

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If a quiz is a quizzical what is a test? A testicle

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Why can't Demetrius swim? Because he has a genetic disorder where he is paralyzed from the waste down, so he is therefore incapable of propelling himself through the water

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Why can't Hellen Keller read, write, or do anything really? Because, shes a woman.

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my hand is a DOLPHIN!

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If you're having Kony problems, I feel bad for you son. He's stolen 99 kids and your posters saved none.

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What did Santa say to the prostitute? "Merry Christmas!"

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What would Jesus do? Something worthy of having him nailed to a cross.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like saying the colors of flowers... how about you.

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two scientists walk into a bar. one says, "i want h2o." the other says, "i want h2o too." the bartender gives them both water and nobody dies because he is not irresponsible enough to give someone concentrated hydrogen peroxide as a drink.

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I was Born ready I was born naked.

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Why is the chicken dead? It tried to cross the road.

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Why did Michael Vick run? Because he was being chased by defenders.

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Kyle is consistently sexually harassed by a woman while at work. Everything is fine.

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2 guys are on a scaffolding. One of them says to the other "If you fall from here, theres a high probability you will die"

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Why was Shane cool... Because he was a cool bean.

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Why did the irishman go to the bar? because he was a designated driver and was picking up his friend.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Tell him that Luigi beat him to the princess

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boy: you want to hear something funny? girl: what? boy: women's rights girl: you want to hear something trivial? boy: what? girl: your penis

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What battle did Napoleon die in? His last one.

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops