What do you get when you cross a Lion and a Shark? You would likely get trouble, seeing as its both animals are quite dangerous and crossing even one of them is ill advised.

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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So a Jew is walking on the street and he sees a penny, and he decides to pick it up because ever since the fire that killed his family and burned his house down he has been living on the street and he needs all the help he can get.

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What is Sally's favorite flavor ice cream? She can't eat ice cream, she's lacktose and tollerant.

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So a girl says "I want to be a banana when I grow up". She's set unrealistic goals and her parents fear she may be autistic.

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Why was the cancer ward sad? They just lost a patient who couldn't ward off cancer.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set the alarm for a reasonable time. - Louis

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What do you get from M&M bags? M&Ms.

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A Jew and a Neo-Nazi meet in a bar. They put aside their differences and enjoy a few rounds of drinks.

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How do you stop a black man from running? You shoot his knee caps.

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knock knock who's there? F uck F uck who? F uck off

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, Oh wait... I'm blind.

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A: Knock knock. B: Come in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ?cash(p)

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So I said to the man "That's no banana, thats my wife!"

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Your momma soo fat.... that if she doesnt start exercising and eating right she will be more likely to get adult onset diabetes.

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Q. What's yellow and sour? A. Not a banana

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Roses are red,vilots are blue just wait till I poo and till i kiss you

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Where did the kid go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere

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A rooster lays an egg on top of a henhouse. Which way does the egg fall? Roosters don't lay eggs.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have alzheimers Roses are red Violets are blue Cabbage

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A man goes up to an old friend and says: "Help me, I just found out that my friend is gay! What should I do!?" The other man replies: "If there is no problem, I cannot help you... Yet, there is one. Your homophobia. I suggest that you see a therapist immediately and I hope that you can get over the fact of the contemplation of a sexuality."

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what did the chickpea say to the raison when he got called big but? Atleast i dont have a stick up my but.

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Knock Knock? Who's there? Sanderson. Sanderson who? You're boyfriend. Let me in. No, I'm a bit busy chopping up dead bodies. Come back in a bit. Oh let me help you! I like the way the blood runs out of the fresh ones!

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A my dog was a rappa. He recorded a hit. But it had no lyrics, because he is a dog.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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