How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I am colourblind so screw you!

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A young boy is concerned about his fathers health, due to the fact he may have cancer. Turns out, he doesn't. So they got ice cream.

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Why do you give a blond a gun You dont

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whats forever alone me

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So there's this boy who really love clowns. His room is adorned with circus and clown posters and his one dream is to go to a circus and see a clown. One day he sees an ad in the newspaper for a circus that was headed toward his town. He begged and pleaded to his parents to let him go, and when they finally agreed he was ecstatic. The boy was in awe of all the things that the circus held, elephants, lions, tightrope walkers and trapeze artists, but there was nothing he was more excited for then the main show with the clowns. He took a seat and out came the clown on a unicycle. The boy was having the time of his life, when the clown suddenly called for someone from the audience. The boy immediately ran to the center of the stage. The clown asked the boy "Are you a horse's head?" then held the mic to the boy. "No," he replied. "Are you a horse's mouth?" "No." "Then you must be a horse's BUTT!" The crowd erupted in laughter and the boy was mortified. He ran out of the circus tent and vowed never to return. He grew up with a hatred for clowns and even had to see multiple therapists. 30 years passed and the boy was now a man. The man looked in his morning paper, only to see that a circus was in town. He decided he would visit one last time. There it was, the elephants and tightrope walkers. And then he saw it, the same clown from 30 years ago in the same show. He walked up and the clown asked the same questions. "Are you a horse's head?" "No." "Are you a horse's mouth?" "No." "Then you must be a horse's BUTT!" Then man the took the microphone from the clown and said, "Screw you clown."

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When the black man was driving his car, why did he stop in front of the gun store? Because his car's velocity reached zero at that location.

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Whats brown and sticky? A massive shit.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had just escaped from the slaughterhouse and ran for its life.

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Why does a black man break into a car? Because he had closed the windows and locked his keys inside.

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Knock knock Who's there? The police. Your husband has been killed in an accident.

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An impolite guy walks into a bar... and doesn't apologize to the bar.

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Why did the car get out of bed? Because the person who owned the car was a total freak and put the car into a bed.

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So you there Red?

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What's has 4 wheels But ain't a blue car A red car

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whats small and looks funny? A baby with a penis sewed to its face.

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A women go hit by a car, what everyone woners though, how did the car get in between the bedroom and the kitchen?

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who wins a race a white guy or a black guy? depends who's faster

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Your mom is so ugly that she is still a virgin, you don't exist you're just a figment of my imagination.\

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porcupines love sun bathing in the winter months so it dosent rape their nose hairs

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What has wings but is often on the ground? An aircraft that has frequent take-off problems.

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How many people can you fit in an oven? A: I Don't know ask a holocaust survivor.

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Why isnt there a womens NASCAR? Because NASCAR does not yet have the funding to start a women's league.

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when life gives you lemmons, chuck em' at beiber

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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