Why were the floors of the movie theaters so sticky? Spilled beverages.

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what do you get when you combine fire and water? alcohol

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Why did the pirate fall off his ship? He got pushed off by another pirate

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Shoes, socks, and mittens.

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What's red and round? A red and round solid.

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Why did he buy ANTIJOKE THE BOOK! - ? Because he wanted to read it.

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Who has the biggest cock A rooster

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In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

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Why did the blonde laugh at the funeral? She suffers from autism, and doesn't understand when it isn't appropriate laugh. The mourners at the funeral, understanding this problem, ignored her and carried on with the service.

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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How many dead lions can feed a bluejay? Bluejays don't eat dead or living lions, so this is highly improbable.

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Yo mamma's so fat, she should try NutriSystem.

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Why couldn't Carys answer the phone? - She had an ear infection.

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What is Green and taste like an apple? An Apple

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Why did the moron jump through the window?

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I was sitting in traffic the other day. I got ran over

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Why I the kid still at school? His mom was brutally run over by a car

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Miss Polly had a Dolly who was sick sick sick So she called for the Doctor to come quick quick quick The doctor came with his bag and his hat And he knocked on the door with a rat-tat-tat. He looked at Polly's Dolly and he shook his head. He said she had leprosy and must have all her limbs amputated.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, trains.

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What's the difference between a pizza and a jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven

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Once there was a man, he was accused of false accusations.

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A man walks out of a bar followed by the people he came with because they just announced "last call". The man is the designated driver for the night.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

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Knock knock ... KNOCK KNOCK ... I guess nobody's home.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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