Two Scientologists walk into a bar. For $5,000 you can hear the rest of this joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you steal from a sushi buffet? You say please.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats white and goes up? a confused snowflake

thumb_up thumb_down +4

qu'est ce qui est petit et poilu? un asticot poilu

thumb_up thumb_down +4

apple was gonna make a smaller ipod for kids but decided not to because they didnt want the name to be itouch kids.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the catfish cross the road? Catfish can't walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

"Ask me if I'm a tree!" "Are you a tree?" "No."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why do Teenagers, mostly girls between the ages of 12-17 love Justin Bieber? Because he promotes himself worldwide and makes sure that girls know who he is thus creating a fan base that will be large enough to promote his career, which ensures him a safe financial future.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A guy walked into a bar a hundred years ago and but a pint of whiskey. He is dead now.?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What did osama bin laden say to the worker behind the gas station counter? A: May I buy this bag of chips?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: why did the chicken cross the road? A: toothpaste

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's so similar about a zombie and a black man? They are both almost human.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What time is it in China right now? I have no idea, it would depend on when you are reading this. Perhaps you should look at a world clock, watch, or some other sort of time-telling device rather than humorous website. Its purpose is not to tell time. However, there are many other places for this. Good luck surfing the web, friend. I have aided you the best that I can. I only hope that you will find what you are looking for.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: what do you call the green and the (stone eater) animal? A:the green and the (stone eater) animal

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's invisible? A lot of stuff.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than a papercut? why do you insist on asking me these questions?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Scratch and Sniff [________] smells like glass doesn't it?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red, violets are blue, suck my tip and call me Regi.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red Violets are blue, Eat my anus with a spoon.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Well it all started when 7 did something horrible to 8 and 9. Always being used for various things and never getting credit, 7 finally snapped one day at the office. He went home for lunch, which was uncharacteristic for him. He came back with a large duffle bag and a trench coat on. He walked into the the middle of the office and opened the bag and trench coat. The events that followed are now known as the office slaughtering of 1992. 7 ended up gutting 8 alive and eating its intestines. 9 was forced to watch then inch by inch was cut up. His heart was ripped out and shown to him before he died. The body was then thrown into acid, and 7 hung himself with piano wire, but lived. 7 also has herpes and 6 doesnt want anything to do with that shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Today i saw 2 midgets walking.........now there hanging together.....in a tree.....by there necks,,,,...............I f***n hate midgets

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why'd Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms Knock Knock Who's There Not Sally Why was the boy sad? Because he dropped his ice cream cone Why'd he drop his ice cream cone? Because he got ran over by a bus Why'd he get run over by a bus? BECAUSE SALLY WAS DRIVING

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin sons? Nothing, his wife had an abortion.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops