"Hey guys lets have a standing obviation." No one else stands....

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What does DNA stand for? The National Dyslexic Association

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What do you call a comedian who can;t make people laugh? A bad comedian.

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How do Helen keller's parents punish her? They sternly reprimand her for her misdeeds.

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Q: What is George Harrison's favorite hairstyle? A: How can we know? He's dead!

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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How do you make a Russian baby cry? Punch it in the face

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What isn't funny? The holacost.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, i got 5 Fingers, the middle ones for you ?

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Why didn't the elephant do any tricks? It was dead.

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Friend: "Hey man! Did you hear about the kid who bought the last hamster at the pet shop? Other friend: "No..." Friend: "Oh, well he shot himself last night."

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Why is Cindy crying? She got a branch stuck in her eye which irritated her sensitive cornea so her tear duct produced a tear to help shed the material from her eye.

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What do you call a black man eating fried chicken? By his name, which could be John, considering the popularity of said name.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Because he was dead.

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I have a red ferrari and 20 dead babies in my garage. Didn't I have a blue ferrari?

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what did the white singer say to the black rapper? I would like to do a song with you seeing as how we have 2 separate audience types i believe this would prove the song to be successful

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Unless you're paralyzed.

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Why didn't the woman cook dinner for her husband? She had to work late.

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Why was Sally crying She got a high five In the face With a chair

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How many Manatees does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, assuming Manatees have hands.

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what do you call a black man drinking cool-aid? thirsty.

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Wanna here a joke? Feminism.

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How do you stop the unstoppable You dont

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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