How do you make a boy cry? Pour soup on his head.

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“DTF”? Says Will. “No” says Harper.

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Why wouldn't joey pay attention in class? Because he was being raped by a grizzly bear.

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What did the one battery say to the other? Nothing. Batteries can't talk.

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A man walked into a bar. Ouch! He tripped over the little step at the entrance. But don't worry, he's not hurt, it just startled him for a second there. They should put a caution sign out front, somebody might get a serious injury. You can never be too safe, after all.

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A blond is on her way driving to the airport when she sees the sign "Airport left." She made a left turn and got to her flight on time.

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How do you kill a cripple? You bite its fucking face off

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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Have u seen Ray Charles' piano "no" neither did he

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roses are red, violets are blue, {insert name here} is f**ked up, (s)he want to have sex with you

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Why couldn't the black man be an astronaut? He was not qualified for the Job

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Why did the chicken cross the road? For a legitimate reason

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What happened to the man who poo'd too much? He started to eat less because his bowell movements started to cause him serious pain.

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What hurts more than a bee sting? Child birth.

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Why did the crossing guard drop his whistle? Because a kid got hit by a passing elephant.

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Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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The Dali Lama walks into a pizza parlor and asks the owner to make him one with everything. After 20 minutes or so the owner brings the Dali Lama a pizza with every available topping. After he finished eating the Dali Lama thanked the owner and left a nice tip.

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Whats black and blue and red all over? An infant after its been beaten with a bat.

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Roses are red violets are red bushes are red oh shit my garden is on fire

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What did the cat say when it was hungry? Meow.

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Why is the melon having a wedding? Because it cantaloupe.

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-Bumper Sticker- Honk if you love Jesus. (Text while driving if you want to meet him)

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My grandmother just called to tell me she was dying................. to have sex with me.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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