What's brown and sticky? Poop.

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What's the best way to get high without doing drugs? Jump.

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What has two legs? Half a cat

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What part of a vegetable are you not supposed to eat? His wheelchair.

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You're such a baby, that you are still in diapers! Ew! How would you know creep!

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why did the Japanese father cry? because when america bombed japan in wwll it happened to kill the rest of his family

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Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by two giant black scorpions.

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I Have A Dog Named Woof Woof A Chicken Called Clucky A Cow Named Moo And A Pig Named Oink Lol Jks I Was Talking About My Wife

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A blind man walks into a bar. Nobody is surprised.

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Why was the little boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his forehead

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Why couldn't the Asian man drive very well? He was blind from birth.

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I once duped this chick with a parrot. Crazy thing wouldn't shut up. The parrot was pretty cool

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A kid walks into a bar, everyone fled the bar because they were all afraid of goats

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what is worse than gay sex wiping your ass with sandpaper

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Your momma's so fat, diet and exercise would probably save her life!

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A muslim and a jew walk into a bar. The muslim proceeds to detonate the bomb he had strapped to his chest, killing himself and dozens of bar patrons.

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Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, Dead.

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Man hears son masturbating in room. The dad enters the room and tells him "Son if you keep jacking off you will go blind". The boy replies "Dad I"m over here".

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Why did the crossing guard drop his whistle? Because a kid got hit by a passing elephant.

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Q: How do you stop a hobo from stealing your money A: You steal the hobo

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like most people my age. im 27

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Your tell your girlfriend to make you a sandwich, she actually makes one for you.

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What did the black boy get for Christmas? A bike his parents bought him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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