Q: Your arms are tied and bleeding from your face, a bull is charging at you, a catapult launches a bunch of rottweilers with rabies straight at your face, a nuclear bomb right next to you is five seconds from exploding, and my teleportation device ia right next to you, what do you do? A: You start by getting your own damn teleportation device! The hell ill let you bleed on mine!

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He had a huge appendage; his arm has been swollen from birth. What a bummer

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When life gives you lemons,you say thank you.

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Why did the cow stop running? - He ran out of breath

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot

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World peace

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Q: How do you get a kleenex to dance? A: Put a little boogey in it!

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven had a raging hard-on and was leering at him.

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What did the cow call the hen? A hen, what else would you call it?

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What did the frog say to the beautiful sleeping princess? Ribbit

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Why did the chicken cross the road? KFC was closed.

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why did the boy have no friends ? Because he lived in a small cottage miles away from any civilization with his overly strict parents who would not let him see the daylight and deprived him of any kind of childhood, he has no social skills and does not know how to interact with other human beings at no fault of his own. he is also dead

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Roses are red violets are blue I have a pie would you like some?

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What did the penguin say to the polar bear? Your in the wrong hemisphere

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Norm Macdonald's roast of Bob Saget.

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How many teenagers does it take to change a light? 1. Unless he has some sort of disablity then probably 2.

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Hollywood presents: "HELP US MARIO! THE WORLD IS BEING OVERWHELMED BY KOOPA AND HIS FORCES OF TURTLES!" "What the hell do you want me to do? I am a damn plumber, squish them? Besides they are just turtles" "Oh yeah..." Steven Spielberg: Get bay on this script, at least its much better than the first one.

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Why was the boy with a green and blue collared shirt holding a bottle of rice dead at the bottom of the sea? Because he was pushed of a boat and couldn't swim.

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What's worse than 50 dead babies stapled to trees? 47 dead babies stapled to trees (it's better if it's a nice, round number.)

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An octopus walks into a bar. The people in the bar, realizing the potential of danger, stand up and leave the bar quietly.

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ive got 99 problems and my diabetes is one of them

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I had a joke about a tie, but it wasn't funny.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? It depends on gender and environment, but a fully grown, adult, male polar bear weighs from 800 to 1600 pounds.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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