I used to think I was indecisive, but now I am not so sure.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

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How do you drown a blonde? From her infancy, instill in her a dread of the water. Keep her away from baths and showers, protect her from pools, and as the child grows, regale her nightly with terrible stories about the cruelty of the sea. When she has matured past 18, take her out to the middle of a lake on a boat and push her in.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, The middle one's for you!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, go ask the chicken.

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minorities.

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A man has 72 cookies, he eats 64 of them. What does he have left? Diabetes.

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Knock Knock Whose there? Yes I am a convicted child molester and by state law I must go door-to-door explaining the many cruel and vigorous crimes I have committed.

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What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

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what do you call a cup?... a cup

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A person walked into a bar, he saw it was the wrong bar so he leaves...

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two philosophers stood in silence at the foot of a very large mountain; a mountain not only too high to climb, but also too wide to walk around. So the first philosopher finally speaks: "...so, what do you do for a living?"

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

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What is worse than being ran over by a bus? Nothing really.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His motives so far are unknown as he is a chicken, and therefor cannot divulge the information.

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Saddam Hussein is the father of the mothers of all cultchies.

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A man and a women have a conversation. Man: what's 2 + 2 Woman: four. Man: you're correct.

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Why cant i stand up? Cause i shat my pants

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h

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Kid: Hey,can i have all the answers to this test please. Teacher: What the hell kid im the fricken teacher.

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A black policeman and a white policeman work different shifts, one is during the day and one is at night and the both get equal pay.

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What does a Mexican do in a landslide? Lose a good deal of his hard earned property to the disaster.

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What do you call five dogs with no balls? Five bitches.

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How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows? They all just sit and bitch about it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops