What's the difference between a duck?

Q. Why is the road black? A. One hundred million dollars!

What did the cop say to the people watching the house fire? All right nothing to see here jokes over

Why did the fall off the building? ... because I pushed her

If humans say YOLO what do cats say? meow.

How do you put a baby in a blender? Feet first, so you can see its expression. How do you get a baby out of a blender? With chips.

Knock knock What?

Your mother's breasts sag with such severity that the late great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks.

This is Heading 1

What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

A blond walks into an electronics store. Then she promptly walks out, as she got the wrong store.

Where do you find a good lawyer? In the cemetary

Doctor Doctor! I think i'm epileptic! I'm not the Doctor, I'm the receptionist. You're a hypochondriac, now wait in the Que, like everybody else Mrs. Davis.

A blind man walks into a book store. He asks if they have any books in Braille. The employee says "Yes! Many you haven't even seen before!"

What do Jim Carrey, Kim Jing-un and Justin Bieber have in common? A penis.

A white man walks down an alley and sees two black men. They say hello and then are on their way.

PSP... Is a cat... you can throw against the wall.

whats fat and ugly ? aidan slattery

A dog walks into the local newspaper to place an ad. The dog writes; "woof woof, woof woof woof." Receptionist: You know you can ad another two woofs for the same price? Dog: Well that wouldn't make any sense at all?

A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game. She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand." "What did you not understand?" And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know either, i'm just wondering why a chicken is trying to cross the road!

Ben Wuz here was the funniest Hahahahaha

A hipster walks into a bar you've never heard of.

i feel like i will die some heroic death, but its more likely i will trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.