Whats worse than finding one worm in your apple? Two worms.

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Why did he die? He was sick.

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Why does Michael J. Fox make a great milkshake? Because he's had a successful career where he has made a substantial amount of money, allowing him to purchase high quality ingredients.

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Why did the cow stop running? - He ran out of breath

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There was a man who bought a cat. He fed it well. It got so fat.

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A mushroom walks into a crowded bar, the bartender says "we don't serve your kind here." Protestingly, the mushroom replies, "why not? I am a spore reproducing eukaryote!" Everyone stares as an awkward silence ensues.

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what did the deaf kid get for christmas ? An ipod.

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A man in a bar says "I'm drunk", immediately 10 men take of their clothes

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how do you wake up lady gaga? scream in her ear.

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What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A rape victim.

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Two guys walk into a bar. You think the second one would've noticed and avoided it.

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How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb? One.

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How many small children does it take to change a light bulb? None. Children are not old enough to do this by themselves.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have alzheimers, Cheese Toast!

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whats more serious than rape... the holocaust

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Dr. Dick Howard Long visits a friend in England. Arriving at his friend's house, he knocked at the door. A butler then lets him in and asks, "Sir, would you like to wait while the Master bathes?" The doctor then replies, "Sure thing, I'll wait until he's done."

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why did the rooster cross the road? because it was stapled to the chicken

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Whats worse than scraping your elbow and knee? Beheading and disembowlment.

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A piece of rope walks into a bar, and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." The rope goes into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot, then rubs himself against the walls until his ends are ragged. Then he walks out and says to the bartender: "I'm a frayed knot." The bartender replies, "Right, I see that you've tied yourself into a knot and frayed your ends. So what? What are you trying to prove?" "Well, I...I mean, it was supposed to be a pun, and you were supposed to react like...like it was..." "Look, I thought I was doing you something nice by letting you use the restroom, even though I told you we don't serve ropes here. And then you go in there and rub yourself against the walls or some crazy shit, and probably get them all dirty, and you come out and expect I'm going to give you a drink because of a pun? Is that how you think this works? Get out of my bar before I call the police." The rope slinks out, still tied in a knot, and eventually finds somebody willing to buy a bottle of cheap vodka for him at a liquor store. He never sets foot in the bar again.

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yo mamas so fat, she started working out

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Does this napkin chloroform?

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What is Chuck Norris's favorite musical theme? Tanana na na naa naa na, ta ta ta tanana na naa na ta na na.

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Why can't Jesus eat M&M's? Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.

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Your mama so fat she often lays awake at night wondering if your father is happy with their sex life. He isn't.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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