How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator? You open the door, put the giraffe in and close the door.

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A.act like u see a banner and say hey do you see that banner over there? B.no what are u talking about A.oh well there's a banner over there

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What's big and grey and can't climb trees? A car park.

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Q. How do you blindfold a Chinese man? A. With a blindfold.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing.

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What did the black college graduate say to the Jewish high school dropout? Do you want me to also clean your fourth floor executive bathroom, Mr. Bernstein?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why the fuck he crossed the road, I don't know what he is thinking.

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This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

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Q: Why was the prostitute's mouth sore? A: She had multiple cavities due to poor dental hygiene.

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When was George Washington born? Who the hell knows. He's older than dirt.

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how do you kill a blond? give her a gun and tell her it a blow dryer

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A man walks into a bar but didn't say anything because he is mute.

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Sometimes black people kill other black people.

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Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Guess no ones home.

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CAVE JOHNSON.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, i get tired of this shit let's have some grey goose

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What do you call a person that smells like shite and chases uglier girls than him? .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . Smelly McD the smelly cunt

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What do Tom Cruise and Santa Claus have in common? They're both Tom Cruise.

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snooki

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Hey, what do you call Sarah Palin? A Republican.

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Where does a blind person drive a car? Into a tree.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the 2nd monkey fall out if the tree? He was stapled to the first Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, Monkey do.

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01010010001010010100100101001001010010100100100100100100100100100100100100010010101010101010101011010101010110010101010 Dolphin

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What starts with P and ends with O-R-N? Popcorn

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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