What advice did the cat give to the man? Nothing because it's a cat.

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Q: What is a man? A: A miserable little pile of secrets.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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Knock knock! Who's there? The police, your entire family has died in a terrible car accident.

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Do you work at subway? Because I often enjoy eating there and i think the food is pretty good. I do not however eat there everyday because i might get overweight and get a eating disorder.

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So there are two skunks in a bath tub. One of the skunks says to the other, "Would you please pass the soap?", and the other skunk says, "What do you think I am, a talking radio?!"

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Q: How do you make a cat bark? A: Douse it in gasoline and throw it in a fire.........WOOF!!!!

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What's the ultimtate guerilla camoflauge at night time? Black people.

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there is a mexican and a black guy in the back of a car, who is driving? The cop

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What dud the baseball player do when he struck out? Walked back to the bench

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Why did the seagull fly over the sea, It had wings.

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wanna no wats not funny........ aids

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What did Winnie the Pooh say to Eeyore? Nothing, he just suffocated him in a pot of honey.

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Whats worse than a little kid falling. Him getting vigorously raped by his father every night.

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What do you say to a disabled man in a lift? Have a nice day.

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What's the difference between a black man and a white man? Their skin color.

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Go online. why? To get a quote. why? To save money. Because we said so! Parenting can be hard. see how easy it is to save with GEICO.

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A man walks into a pet store. He then says "This isn't the bar" and leaves.

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Why did the skeleton not get invited to the party? because he was dead

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What's black and white and red all over? A car in which some young hoodlum appears to have splashed a fair amount of red paint over the owner's otherwise charming checker pattern.

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How do you drown a blonde? Tie a cinderblock to her foot and throw her in water.

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back distinctly better at the Trumpet.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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