Why did the man poop his pants. becuase he had to poop.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the cashier say to the customer? You're total is $27.95

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What was jesus's first miracle? He made a blind man walk. And for the stupid people out there jesus's first supposed miracle was making a cripple Walk

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why couldn't Lucy get her driver's license? Because she has Cerebral Palsy!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How did Moses make his tea? He steeped the tea lives for around 5 minutes in hot water.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you call a man with a black book? I don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Knock Knock Who's there? Well why don't you open the door and find out!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Do you know why children in Africa don't read Harry Potter too much? Because they can't read.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the umpire yell to the flatulent player at bat? FOUL BOWEL!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Knock Knock Who's there? ImBrewn

thumb_up thumb_down -14

This guy goes to the ball game. He waits in line at the concession stand and gets a footlong hot dog and a giant orange soda. Then he makes his way around to his section of the stadium, and works his way to his seat, which is in the center of the row. Right when he's about to take a bite of his hot dog, when he hears someone in the seats way up behind him yell "Hey! Mike!" He sets down his hot dog, and sets down his giant orange drink, stands up and turns around, scanning the crowd. Eventually he sits back down. He picks up his hot dog, picks up his giant orange drink, and is just about to take a bike when he hears it again, someone way up behind him yelling "Hey! Mike!". So, he sets down his hot dog, sets down his giant orange drink, stands up, turns around, and scans the hundreds of faces in the seats behind him. After a while, he sits back down. Then, right when he's about to bite into his hot dog, he hears someone behind him yelling "Mike! Hey, Mike!" He sets down his hot dog, sets down his giant orange drink, stands up, turns around, cups his hands around his mouth and yells as loud as he can, "My name's not Mike!"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A woman who owns a parrot leaves her home, forgetting that a plumber is scheduled to come fix her sink. A few minutes after she leaves, the plumber arrives and knocks on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waits for a minute and, seeing that nobody has come to the door, knocks again. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, a little more loudly, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink!" The plumber waits for a minute and bangs hard on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screams, "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIINK!!!" Just then, the plumber clutches his chest and falls dead to the ground. When the woman returns home, she sees the dead man in front of her door. She opens her door to go to her phone and asks the parrot, "who is it?" The parrot replies, "WHO IS IT?"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A cow says moo and explodes.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

whats worse than hitler? Anti-Jokes By darragh hamilton

thumb_up thumb_down -16

stuarts mum

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why was six afraid of seven? it wasn't. numbers dont have feelings.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

roses are red, violets are red, a girl had her period in my garden.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Do you know the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a human, and one is an inanimate object.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the girl ask for anal? She didn't. She was raped.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

how do you find will smith in the snow? with rescue dogs

thumb_up thumb_down -16

whats worse than a dead cat in your apple? a dead baby in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you know if a girl is special? If she hates justin bieber, Twilight, and is open to threeways.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it got out of it coop and there was something shinny on the other side of the street.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What happened to Johnny when he fell of his bike? He had a seizure, went into a coma, and forced his parents to take him off life support. Happy birthday Johnny.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops