What did the patient say when the doctor told him he had aids? "Oh my god. Are you sure?"

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Two strangers are sitting at a bar having a drink. One is a young, fat, red-headed guy named Fred. The other is an elderly grey-haired man. After a while, Fred turns to the old man and awkwardly asks: "Excuse me sir would ya' mind givin me some advice? There's this girl who has sat next to me on the bus every morning for the past three months. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She always smiles and winks at me. I wannna ask her on a date but every time I go to do it I freeze. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm falling for this girl and I don't know what in the world to do. Any tips?" The old man continues to sit quietly, slowly sipping his drink. After a while the old man looks at Fred. "Hmmm" says the old man, as he thinks over Fred's question. "What is your name son?" He asks Fred. "It's Fred sir," replies Fred. "Hmmm," the old man says again as he continues to think over Fred's question. The old man then stands up, takes out a gun, and shoots Fred in the face. Fred never saw it coming.

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A guy hit his elbow. Judaism.

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what do you call a black guy fixing your electricity an electrician

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road? It didn't, there were no roads back then

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A man walks into a bar. His alcoholism is destroying his family.

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Why did the Nazi not help the black man up after he had been badly injured? The Nazi was in a wheelchair.

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If I crash my car, how many trees does it take to cover my yard in orange juice, yellow, because a cat pissed on my foot.

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why did the mexican cross the road? To get into America. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was on its way to warn everyone that the sky was falling Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? cause he's Chuck Norris. Why did the man get a check in the mail every month? Cause he's black Why did Obama Cross the road? Cause he lost control of congress

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What's fast and white ? A chicken after you hit it going 100mph

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What do you call the people that ride on the upper level of a double decker bus? Passengers.

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Bert: Hey, what you got there? Sal: Nothing.

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What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Animal control.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side. knock knock. who's there? the chicken.

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Two robots walk into a bar, just kidding, they have Polio.

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How many times does it take a blond to start a car? Usually once; however, the weather may have an impact how well the engine will spark.

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The biggest lie on earth: I have read and agree to the terms of use.

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your moms so fat when she sat on your ipod it turned into an ipad

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Ring. Ring. Hello? Hey, It's Sean Oh hi! How are you?

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A man went into a bakers to buy a loaf of bread. The baker said 'What can i do for you sir?' The man said 'Id like a loaf of blue bread please.' Baker replied 'Sorry sir we only sell brown or white here.' 'Thats ok.' said the man, 'I have my bike outside.' [This joke was made up by myself and my school friends in 1975 age 15. We all told it for years - i still do - and cried with laughter whenever we heard it. We called them non jokes :-) ]

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Q: What's worse than a bee sting? A: Two bee stings. Q: What's worse than two bee stings? A: Three bee stings. Q: What's worse than three bee stings? A: Rape.

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ss sa asd g dg asd g asd g sdg s dg sad g ads g s dg sad g sadg as dg as dg sdg ds gs dg sdg sd g sdg sd g sdg ds gsd g ds g sdg sd g sdg sd g sdg as sdg know i'm sayin?

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13

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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall underwater? dam

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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