You are so ugly that for Halloween you had to trick or treat by phone.

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A blind man walks into a bar. He had a few drinks then went home.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Jesus. Jesus who? You're going to hell.

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Why did Logan lose his lunch? Because he forgot to his lunchbox on the day-trip.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, ask the chicken.

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A pterodactyl walks into a bar, bartender says "What'll you have." To which the pterodactyl graciously replies "RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRR." Because pterodactyl's do not speak English.

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Two penguins, sitting in a bath tub. One says, "Pass the soap!" The other says, "What do you think I am?! A clock?"

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What did Hitler get his son for Christmas? An Ez-bake oven and a GI Jew

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Why did the young boy die from Aggressive cancer? ...Because there isn't a cure.

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How can you outsmart Stephen Hawking? Steal the wheels of his chair and replace them with a dolphin.

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Beethoven! It is true? Did you really lose your hearing? Yes.

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Yo momma is so fat that she is at a high risk for heart disease and diabetes!

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What's red white, blue and hilarious? Glasgow Rangers in administration!

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Q: What happened when Cupid shot his arrow into the guys heart? A: He died

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Useful Information: *2+2=5 *4+4=9 *6+6=13 Q: Given this information, how many fingers am I holding up? A: It was a trick question. Batman didn't open the door.

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Y didnt the grandma go to christmas? She died on thanksgiving

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Two muffins are in an oven. They say nothing, muffins are inanimate objects and therefore cannot talk.

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im trying to thing of a good joke...oh wait i got one but only one... ok ready?...oh wait...i forgot it again

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What did the man say when an pterodactyl flew into the kitchen while he was having breakfast? Huh, that's strange.

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why cant the kid find any friends? he was stranded in a desert.

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Q. What do you call a bashed black man laying on pavement? A. Neapolitan

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What's weird about four black men in a toilet? No one got shot.

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There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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