Why are tootsie rolls brown? because they are....

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I died shortly after writing this.

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you will now laugh.

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What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck.

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Two cowboys are in a kitchen. The first one says, "I feel at Home on the range!" To which the second replies, "Is that because of your extensive culinary background?" The first cowboy breaks down in tears because he has never pursued his real dream.

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What did Einstein say to the blonde? 'What specific part of the theory don't you understand?'

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Why didn't the woman believe in God? Her own personal beliefs.

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Dad: "Happy birthday, son! Let's go get a beer." Timmy: "But dad, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are, we hope that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” Timmy's mom had just died of cancer a few days ago. A friend walks in the door, not knowing Timmy's mom died just a few short days before his birthday. He screams, "Happy birthday!" TImmy: "Damn. I'm not going through this again."

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"Penis, penis, penis..." says Chase. That is all he likes and he fondles horse testes.

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Old guitars sound like cat's guts

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What do you get when you cross something with another thing that one would normally not cross with the aforementioned noun? A better love story than Twilight.

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What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane? There's no such thing. 500,000 people can't fit onto one plane.

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I came home from my doctor`s appointment today, I told my sister that I was diagnosed with The Super rare "Spontaneous Erections Syndrome" (S.E.S) a very rare disease that can seriously impair the victims life in general, especially the social life, as symptoms may show themselves even among friends, pets, grandmas, enemies, and even close family! She told me that everybody knows I a just a kinky pervert with bulge so big it scared girls away instead of attracting them. Excuse me, what the hell is patient confidentiality good for if my doctor is going to call my sister and tell her everything she said to me afterwards?!

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A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he does what he wants.

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Why was the little boy upset? He was on fire.

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Where did Sally go in the bombing? Everywhere

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Q. If the early bird gets the worm, what does the early worm get? A. Eaten...

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whats 2 + 2? a black guy flying a kite

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Who won the race across the highway, the Mexican or the Frenchman? Neither, as they were struck by a mac truck when attempting to run across the highway and were both killed instantly on impact.

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How do you kill an already dead man? You don't he's already dead.

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How do you get 100 Jews into a Volkswagon? You don't. It's impossible to fit that many people into a car that small.

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Why doesn't Michael J. Fox drive a stick shift? He was raised in an urban area and was only taught to maneuver with vehicles that shifted automatically.

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Why was the child lying in the scrap yard? because he was being torn apart by guard dogs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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