Two muffins are in an oven one of them says "wow it's hot in here" The other muffin says "Ah a talking muffin"

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How do you stop a black man from spitting? People of all races and colours are quite within their right to spit on their own property whenever they wish. However if anyone spits on or near you, you could report him to the police, but don't expect to be taken seriously.

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There was once a Polish man who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat down to contemplate the situation, and after a few hours, he thought, "I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am Polish and make fun of me." He went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, "I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini." Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you Polish?" This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, "Are you Polish or not?" This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner's discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, "But how did you know?" The shopkeeper replied, "My grandmother was Polish. I could tell by your accent."

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange Who? Oranges are very good for you and enriched with vitamin C that is apparently good to intake when you are experiencing cold/flu like symptoms during the winter season and your doctor won't give you medication because you aren't sick enough and you already ask for medication to much because you think you are always sick with something. That's what happens when you're a hypochondriac.

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You still alive? I used to be called proteus by the way, but then you disappeared and Neronism or watever its called now turned insane. I mean we killed you man! Out of mercy, you telling me a jacket changed you and everything? Where have you been? Six million followers? And all the shit that has made "moral man" the most lauded thing on Horsehead is you? Mind helping me make sense out of all of this?

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Why wasn't Abraham Lincoln a good president? Because he got shot in the head and died.

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Alright then, call me sometime then.

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What's the difference between a plum and bunny? They're both purple, except the bunny.

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Q:what's black and white and red all over? A:a panda bear that's been shot in the face.

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April showers bring May flowers! And what do May flowers bring? Bees. Lots and lots of bees.

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The situation... Two black men are skiing down the Sahara. The Question... How much syrup does it take to kill a life-guard. The answer... The sunglasses because he never be a porcupine.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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your mother is so fat that she eats a lot of high fat foods.

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whats worse than getting bit by a tick. getting bit by a deer tick that as lyme disease.

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what was so bad about hitler? he inadvertently subjected his political officials to death by rope

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Why did the Dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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What's heed and has wheels? Your mom.

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What characterizes a good joke? The lack of a punch line.

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knock knock whos there johovas witness O-0

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What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.

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I SHOT SOMEBODY!!!! Said no stormtrooper ever.

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What is white and re(a)d all over? White paper that is dyed red.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? where's my tractor?

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What do you call a guy who accidentally cut off his hand in a blender? Stupid.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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