What did one Teacher say to the other teacher? Nothing. The first teacher has a horrible drinking habbit which is getting out of hand, He beats his wife and children each night after his drinks at the bar. His parents have stopped all contact and he found some divorce papers in his wifes draw, also saying she would be getting full costudy of the children. He has lost the majority of his friends and didnt want to loose another one, and kept his problems to himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

a short man asked a tall man "hey hows the weather up there"? the tall man couldnt answer cause he was sucked up by a tornado that missed the short man

thumb_up thumb_down +43

The dog buried it's bone. The next day it unburied it, and chewed on it until it was wrecked.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

whats funnier than a penguin playing a banjo? i don't know because I've never seen one and probably never will because it is a highly improbable event.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: what did the tractor say when helost his farmer? A: wheres my farmer?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Guy 1: Ever heard of Ethiopian food? Guy 2: No habla espanol... Guy 1: Oh....

thumb_up thumb_down +15

whats worse than 9/11 a paper cut

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the boat sink? It ran into an iceberg.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What is Justin Beiber's favorite pastime? According to his biography, it's reading science fiction novels

thumb_up thumb_down -37

What do you call a fly without wings? A fly without wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Did you hear about the man who fell out of an aeroplane at 2000 feet? He was taking part in a charity skydive to raise money for his dying brother, a chronic sufferer of cystic fibrosis.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Who eats chicken noodle soup? Anybody who enjoys chicken noodle soup.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Q: Why was the boy sad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy mad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy in pain? A: Because a clown was ripping off the boys big toes with a hacksaw, all the while causing the small boy emotional pains by killing the boy's orange cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What did Christopher Columbus say to his men before they got on the ship? "Men, get on the ship."

thumb_up thumb_down +30

My claustrophobia was cured by imagining that all small spaces were naked.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

How do you stop a baby from flying? Hit it with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: what's black and white and red all over? A: someone getting murderd on a news paper

thumb_up thumb_down +8

i like cats

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do get when you cross a truck and a cliff? Flames.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the pirate fall off his ship? He got pushed off by another pirate

thumb_up thumb_down

Why didn't Valerie go on over to Amy's house? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you give a sick bird? First-Aid tweetment.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

PATHETIC

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops