Why can't George Washington sit up straight? He's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

"Knock, Knock," a man called out. A child threw open the door and peered out at him. "Why didn't you just knock instead of saying 'knock knock'?" Flustered, the man couldn't come up with an answer, and the child promptly closed the door, locked it, and returned to her previous activities.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What is the last digit of Pi? Pi is an infinite decimal sequence, and therefore has no last number, but if it did, it would presumably be somewhere from 0-9.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

four little monkeys jumping on the bed... one fell of and bumped his head... mama called the doctor and the doctor said... im calling child protection services.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Gun Control

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Hillary Clinton

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Man 1: Nock-nock Man 2: Please leave my place of residence

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Jerry: Hey, do you smell that? It kinda smells like updog. Moe: What's updog?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the kid raise his hand in class because he had a question

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: What's brown and sticky? A: Anal

thumb_up thumb_down +4

If your uncle helped you off An horse, would you help your uncle jack off an horse?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what do you call a 19th century steam train driver ? i dont know , depends what his mother named him

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: Why did the plane crash? A: Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What is more dangerous than heroine? T.J. Lane

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil."

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I couldn't afford a hair cut... So i contracted cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Do you ride the bus to school or do you take your lunch?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are red Here is something new Violets are violet NOT FUCKING BLUE

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A bicycle.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than finding a band aid in your Crock-pot? Finding a Crock-pot in your band aid.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Your so fat that you have a 75% chance increase of dying from congenital heart failure.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops