What did the pirate say when his parrot died? Nothing. They both died at the same time in a horrible shipwreck. There were no survivors.

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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How do you kill a Jew? Shoot him in the head.

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? Generally one, but as the situation varies so does the number.

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Person 1: Did you hear the one about the guy who drank vinegar? Person 2: No Person 1: Oh

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A girl's opinion is respected.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He had escaped a KFC.

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Which is Taller ? the Giraffe or the Lion is faster ?

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Q: Why couldn't Sally ride her bike? A: because Sally has Cerebral Palsy.

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Your mom is so hot your daddy married her and they lived happily ever after

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

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Why did little justin fall off his bike? because a terrorist threw a fridge at him

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Two jewish men walk into the butcher shop. They buy a pound of ground beef and nothing else.

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Q: Why did the turtle cross the road? A: Doesn't matter, got hit by car.

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Why didn't the Asian student ask for a calculator? Because he was busy washing the dishes and thought a calculator would be completely inappropriate for the situation at hand.

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There once was a man from peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe he awoke with a fright in the middle of the night to find he had eaten the gel packets that came with them and died of cancer.

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What's green and stands in a corner? A naughty frog.

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Have you ever seen Stevie Wonders house? I have it's actually really nice

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Why is Justin Bieber better than Freddie Mercury? Freddie Mercury is dead. Justin Bieber is still alive. Also Freddie Mercury is ugly and Justin is hot.

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Your Mother is so kind that when I see her I say hello and ask her how she has been

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When you see it... YOU'LL HAVE AN ORGASAM.

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What happens when a Republican accidentally walks into a Gay/Straight Alliance meeting? The man asks if he is in the right place. He apologizes and then leaves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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