A scotsmen, an Irishman and an Englishman all walk into a bar. The publican had accidentally left the door unlocked and the bar was in fact closed. So they left.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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Mama Bear and Papa Bear were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Bear a choice of which parent to live with. "Do you want to live with your mother?" the judge asks. "No! She beats me." answers the baby bear. "OK, then you can live with your father." says the judge. "No! He beats me too!" cries baby bear. So Baby Bear was placed in a foster home.

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Why did the chicken lay an egg? Because she got knocked up.

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Feeling that your friends do not listen to your insightful conversations? BUY A PARROT! Teach it to say "Uhuh", and "Ahah", and "Dats coo!" NOW YOU CAN BE COMPLETELY APRECIATED BY A FUCKING BIRD THAT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING... ...BUT IS IT... APPRECIATING IT? DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! MYSTERY!

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A man walks into a bar and orders an alcoholic beverage. The bartender serves him and inquires about the man's day. The man says nothing, drinks his beverage, pays his tab and walks out.

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Eats shoots and leaves Pandas. If you can't figure this out then you're probably 12

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken would greatly appreciate it if you stayed out of its personal life.

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what do you call a mentally and physically obese man? nothing until you know or obtain his name

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A fat guy runs a marathon. He dies of obesity and dehydration.

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Reverse psychology never fails.

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How many dead babes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? its not possible because there all dead

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Why did Susan fall out a tree? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Susan

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donald................duck for president

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue...........Im wearing socks

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I am nobody Nobody is perfect Therefore, I am perfect

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What worse than the holocaust? Danny's.

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Have you ever seen Ethiopian food? No, neither have Ethiopians.

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Row row row your boat Right to KFC Put some kool-aid in your cup And toast to you and me

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Your mother is so fat when she jumps she comes backs down.

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You know what they say about a guy with big feet? He wears large socks and has big shoes.

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If dropped from the same height, which hits the ground first an apple or a baby? the apple because the baby has a rope tied around its neck

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Why didn't God show up to Jesus' bar mitzvah? Because he doesn't exist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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