A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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A Man buys a Prius. Hated it.

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Why is the sky blue? I don't know I thought you knew

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I've got a shotgun with two bullets. I've got two enemies. What do I do with the gun? I go bird hunting. Kelvin Yang

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Always put punctuation at the end of your sentence

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A little boy running with scissors he trips and falls and dies

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What do you call a gay dog? Steve

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what do you call a black man drinking cool-aid? thirsty.

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Why did the pony go to the Doctor's? It had Horse AIDS.

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Once upon a time, I was a Muslim.

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Q: What do dogs and wind have in common? A: They're both blue. Except the dog. Or the wind. Wind is colorless.

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What did the man do when he dropped his bar of soap. He picked it up

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If you beat Chuck Norris in arm wrestling, you will be proud of yourself and he will go home with nothing.

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A boy wakes up in the morning and says i"'m feeling kind of fishy today," the boy's dad walks in and relpies "that's because you are a fish."

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Poop swing

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two elderly men were sitting in the sun discussing their lives. The first man says "my life was horrible as I had to walk to work uphill in the snow with no boots on a daily basis" The second man looks at the first and replies "you know why my life was horrible?.. I was born a jewish man in Germany during the second world war and was injustly judged and harrassed nearly to death on a daily basis"

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A funny joke: Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

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when a midget takes weed, does he get high or medium???

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Why did the kid give a bad presentation in class? He knew basically nothing about the topic, and on top of that had a large erection.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

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Q: what did the man with a broken jaw say? A: nnamkkiuuiriwojjkmgfmls!!!!

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How do you teach a black guy to swim? You sign him up for swimming lessons.

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Whats worse than an oompa loompa a black midget

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Roses are red Violets are tits I like tits Tits

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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