A clown a hockey player and a...........what the heck that's all I got.

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Two rabbis standing at the buffet cart. The first exclaims "Oy vey, those pork chops look good!". The second shrugs, turns to his friend and remarks, "So do your wife's norks".

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How do you upset a builder? Kill all his family.

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You should never talk to strangers.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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What does a plum and a rabbit have in common? A: they're both purple, except for the rabbit!

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How much cocaine has Charlie Sheen done? enough to put your health at risk

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my nAME IS ALAN AND IM NOT COOL

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What's the difference between a murcielago and a dead baby ? I don't have a dead baby in my garage. 8-)

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what happens when you have A.D.D.? you're EXTREMELY annoying

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A treadmill... did I mention he was kinda fat?

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Why did the chicken cross the border? Because he was an immigrant and was afraid of the police.

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Dude? What. Dude? What! Wheres my car?

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What's big, brown, and barks? Tree

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What has two feet and cant walk? a cripple

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How many pieces of bling does it take to ruin a rap song? Just Two Chainz

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Why did the car stop? It ran out of gas.

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What do you call nacho cheese? Stolen.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Pen. Pen who? Pen is blue.

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What did the little girl do with her puppy? She killed it.

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A guy is walking on the beach one day when he stubs his toe on something shiny. Digging in the sand he finds an old, tarnished lamp. He takes it home and liberally applies polish, then puts it on his mantlepiece, it completes the look he was going for in his room and he feels like all his wishes have come true. His wife dies in a car accident later that day.

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A man is so drunk that the alcohol has a biphasic effect on the body, meaning that its effects change over time. Initially, alcohol typically produces feelings of relaxation and cheerfulness. Increased consumption, however, can lead to dehydration, coordination problems, blurred vision, and a great number of health, medical, and social issues and other drinking problems caused by alcoholism. As articulated above, excessive alcohol consumption can lead to drunkenness. One of the short term effects of intoxication is the lowering of an individual's inhibitions. As a consequence, when people are intoxicated they frequently do things they normally would not do while sober, often ignoring legal, ethical, social, and moral or religious norms. While blurred vision, slurred speech, dehydration, and coordination can be labeled as "alcohol short term effects," other health problems such as alcohol related heart disease, liver disease, and cancer, on the other hand, can be labeled as long term effects of alcohol abuse and alcoholism. This, however brief, is an overview of the effects of alcohol. What remains to be discussed, however, is what Paul Harvey calls "the rest of the story." Essentially, "the rest of the story" is a more detailed analysis of how excessive alcohol affects an individual's life and the lives of those around him or her when the person becomes an alcoholic and suffers from alcoholism. Perhaps the most logical way to discuss this complex topic is to focus first on the classic alcoholic behaviors and effects of alcohol in the four states of alcoholism; then examine some of the "social effects" of alcohol and alcoholism and finally, discuss the medical conditions, health issues, and drinking problems that are caused directly or indirectly by alcoholism.

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How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?.....Why the **** do you care?

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Knock Knock . . . I'm coming in!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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