A guy is walking on the beach one day when he stubs his toe on something shiny. Digging in the sand he finds an old, tarnished lamp. He takes it home and liberally applies polish, then puts it on his mantlepiece, it completes the look he was going for in his room and he feels like all his wishes have come true. His wife dies in a car accident later that day.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything is black, And I'm blind.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Refrigerators come in an assortment of colors

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I have two hands. Some people dont.

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What do you get when you cross a zebra and a panda? Well, pandas are almost extinct. I guess they gave up and started goin' with zebras.

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Two cows are in a field one cow says moo the other cow say shit thats what i was gonna say

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What did the pear say to the plum? Nobody knows - the plum was deaf and didn't hear, the pear knows only dirty words in sign language, and there was nobody else around to overhear.

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What's worse than your dad being hit by a car? Your family being hit by a bus.

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How long will it take for a dog to paint a color wheel? I don't know.

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Diarrhea

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involved parents.

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"Have you ever seen a blacksmith?" "No." "Me neither."

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How do you stop the skunk from smelling, you rip it in half and bury the body therefore stopping the smells from escaping.

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what do you call a gay bird a gaybird

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There once was a girl named sally with no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally.

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Your mother is so unintelligent that her IQ score is equal to or lower than 2 standard deviations below the national average of 100 on the Mensa approved intelligence test that has been properly administered and supervised.

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There once was a man in Peru, Who dreamt he was eating his shoe. He was promptly taken to the hospital but died from infection.

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two blondes walk into a bar... to get to the other side

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Why did I put the baby into the blender feet first? So I could see its facial expression

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Bob:well Joe, its been tough latley, I hats my life Joe: I don't give a tuck, ur retarded, you have never had any friends and I am sure that the school will have a pep fest when u hang ur self in ur bedroom. So go now! I don't know why u even r talking to me and I don't know why I am responding

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? It was hit by an oncoming motorist in a busy intersection.

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what do you call a baby that's just been crushed by a piano. a mess for a cleaner to deal with. think about his health. after that he might get a disease from the body and he might not get to sleep as it is a haunting sight.

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What is the biggest, most elaborate lie? Santa Clause

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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