How do you wake Lady Gaga up? Poker face

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NEVER

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You know what's worse than finding a worm inside an apple? finding crack, too late to spit it out.

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Scott

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What did the deaf man say to the blind man? The deaf man spoke no identifiable words because he could not hear what he was saying. He mumbled a few phrases in jibberish, and the blind man continued looking for his favorite brand of Ramen Noodles at his local Harris Teeter.

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An Arian man walks into a German-owned bar and asks to use the restroom. The bartender sees this acceptable and allows it. Soon after, a Jewish man asks the same question, but this time the bartender said no. The Jewish man thought it was an outrage and demanded why, so the bartender calmly explained to him that the Arian man was still using the restroom and that when he was finished the Jewish man was free to poo as he pleased.

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-What do you get when you graph the division of x by the square root of 69? - I don't know, what? -I was asking you, as my family's low economic status hinders my ability to buy a graphing calculator.

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Q: What's black and blue and red all over? A: I'm not sure. If it's red all over, it's not going to be black or blue.

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What's the difference between a zombie, a vampire and a werewolf? One is a zombie, one is a vampire and one is a werewolf.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Bad-mannered Bad-mannered who? F*ck Off

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Q: Whats worse than having a dead car battery? A: Going to prison and getting raped by a black guy

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What does Chuck Norris do when he breaks his legs? he calls a doctor.

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Your Mamma is so poor that she begs for money.

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Women's rights

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What did Abe Lincoln say before he gave the Gettysburg Address? No one knows, its not documented.

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I love boobs

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Who wears a forest ranger's hat and carries a can of kerosene? An arsonist who happens to be a forest ranger.

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justin littleton. nuff said

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Today I had sex with a married man, but thats OK he's my husband

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did you hear about the sidewalk? its all over town.

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I think I may be colorblind.

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your all shit at jokes

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What will happen when a black person die they die

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What did Jesus say to Moses? Jesus doesn't exist. Moses replied, "Do you think I'm stupid, you're standing right next to me!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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