Pencils are yellow, Grass is green OK

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Q. What do Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A. Same middle name.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Yo' momma's so fat that when she steps on the scales the number seen to appear is proportionately larger than that seen to appear when the average human steps on them.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

what are you eating under there? oh a sandwich, its actually really good.... want a bite? yea thanks! yum yum

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do you call a diving-board factory worker threatening to jump off the roof? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Whats the difference between a duck? Yellow bills.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

That awkward moment were your giving your girlfriend a blowjob then you realize your giving your girlfriend a blowjob.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

how do u unload the dishwasher? u take the dishes out!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did our black president put a porch swing on the white house? He likes to swing.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

GRAAAAAAAR.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's worse than getting raped? Getting raped twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's pink and smells like a red rose? A pink rose.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why are video games fun? To get a mushy brain :P

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Freedom of Speech

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q:What happens to an elephant if he falls from a building with 10 floors? A:He dies

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Your mother smells so bad that she scheduled an appointment with her doctor, who prescribed her deodorant soap and chlorophyll and suggested she see a therapist for her chronic self esteem problems.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam ? Among many things, one is made with peanut butter, the other with fruits.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How do you cure AIDS? You can't.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

jokes r dumb

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the man go to space? He was a highly trained astronaut

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did Jesus say to Moses? Jesus doesn't exist. Moses replied, "Do you think I'm stupid, you're standing right next to me!"

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the man break into the bank? Because he was a bank robber

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops