Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

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Want to hear a joke? ... Oh dear, I can't think of any. Golly, this is embarrassing.

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What's 6 + 9? 15.

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What did Edward Cullen say to the hot girl? Since I am a vampire it is impossible for me to get an erection.

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What did the man say when he lost his keys? I lost my keys. What did the man say when he saw an elephant in the distance? There is an elephant in the distance.

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i had a dream last night;) it was sad because you lived but then i dreamed up a bus and made it hit you. i had a dream last night;) you died

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting r.aped by a giant scorpion.

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I like trees. Trees hate you. Bye.

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1/= |_| (4|\| /234|) 7|-|15 (411 */0|_|/2531/= 4 1337 |-|4><0/2!!!1!

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? A bench can support a family

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Moon: The sun shines bright like a virgin. He must be high..

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thats the same sound ur mom made in bed last night

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What do you get if you cross a goat with a horse? Long letters of complaints by animal rights groups

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had escaped from a KFC slaughterhouse, and proceeded forward to avoid getting caught. However, the chicken did not consider the childhood lectures off his parents about crossing the road safely, and got ran over by a black Golf GTI, and died instantly.

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What's in the sky? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a helicopter.

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Yolo: Your Oppurtunity Lies Upon...... oh, wait upon starts with a u... YOLU

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What do you get when you cross a helicopter, elephant, and a rhino? Heliphino

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What's worse than slipping on a banana peel? Amanda Todd's suicide.

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A coach walks into the team dressing room at halftime; his team is down 42-0. He screams at the players, "You guys are playing like a bunch of grannies. No offense"

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What do you call a black man with a PhD and loving family? A nigger

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Try not to laugh at this joke... Knock knock Who's there? Ha ha ha Ha ha ha who? I told you not to laugh

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A Finn, a Swede and A Norwegian went to an island. The Norwegian shot them all.

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Knock Knock. (No answer) Knocker: " I guess the resident of this home isn't home at this hour."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops