A man walks into a park. He gets abducted and raped by flying asparagus.

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Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

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Why was segregation made Illegal? because its more fun to break the law

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A blind man walks into a bar. Nobody is surprised.

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jack and jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water. jack fell down and broke his ankle and neck severely. jack and jill were taken away from their parents by child services, and their parents are charged for child endangerment and child labor.

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Jake likes to have tickle parties with McCauley Culkin.

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You know what they say about a man's feet... No i don't.

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What is worse than getting a cold ? Finding a dead baby in your mailbox

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Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

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Where do cows go on the weekends? The slaughterhouse.

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What do you do when your baby won't stop crying. Slit its throat

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There is a mom a dad and a son, they walk into the museum and the dad is in the bathroom.

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A turtle walks into a bar. The bar tender says "what will it be?" the turtle doesnt reply because its a turtle and the bar tender is sent to a mental hospital for talking to turtles.

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There are two types of people in this world, those that can't count

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When is a Jewish persons bedtime? When the brain releases endorphins, causing drowsiness, which usually leads one to sleep.

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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Is your refrigerator running? Yes. Ok good, just checking. It would be a shame for your perishable foodstuffs to go bad.

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the other day i was walking down the street and saw a black man carrying a tv. i thought to myself, "hey that looks like mine!" but then i was like nawwwwwww, mine's at home...... shining my shoes -_-

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How do you make a blond cry? You punch her in the face.

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-Is your refrigerator running? -Yes. -Just wondering.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? You set her alarm clock for a reasonable hour.

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A women driver prepares to park in a small space between to cars on the side of a road. She safely and flawlessy parallel parks, and proceeds to enter a nearby coffe shop for an important business meeting.

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what do you call a man with one leg? whatever his name is.

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why did suzie fall off the swing? she had no arms why did suzie get hit by a bus? she was blind knock knock whos there? not suzie.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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