Q. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? A. An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

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Knock knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tulips are white and Pansies are pink.

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Why did the kid get on the bus. Because he had to go home

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Who is the most famous black person? Michael Jackson, except he's not black.

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Why couldn't Jimmy breathe? He had a knife in his throat!

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven has an extra penis

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Ok

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Knock knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness

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Why didn't the lttle boy fasten his seatbelt? It doesn't matter, it's too late now.

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Faith, Family, Friends, those are three words.

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Good friends are like snowflakes. They disappear when you pee on them.

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I hope your not allergic to bees Because your about to be attacked by a live tiger.

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What can kill you when it falls out of a tree? Anything of a considerable weight actually.

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Q: What did the dog say the cat? A: nothing, because dogs cannot speak, and even if they could, I highly doubt they would speak cat.

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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So a man walks into a bar, right?

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How many blondes does it take to screw a lightbulb? There's too little information to come up with a reasonable answer.

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What did the fat kid eat for dinner? Salad, he's on a diet.

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hey guess what? what ur gay! how did you know ive been in the closet for 5 years!?

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Why did the black man fall down the stairs? Because he was blind

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Why was the uneducated black guy raped? To make this joke more risky and therefore funnier.

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Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One.

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A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says "You have to stop masturbating." The man says "What, why?!" The doctor says "So I can examine you."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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