Barman: Why the long face? Horse: To support my twelve molars and twelve premolars which help me chew grass so I can swallow it properly.

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Hold on, please hold on! I will explain, it is my name, but I don't know whats so wrong with it at all... Please give me five minutes, I need to use the bathroom, please don't go just yet, don't be mad at me, what have I done wrong now? I mean if you are gonna go to sleep or something please do not be upset with me.

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A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen, warning him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and other bad life consquences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, Bushes are red, Oh shit, my garden is on fire

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How do you wake up a black man? You stab him in the thigh.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?? Blue.

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Why did the chicken cross the road ? To get to the other side Why did the lollipop cross the road ? It was stuck to the chicken's head Why did the chicken commit suicide ? He couldn't get the lollipop off its head

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Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her." The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."

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sometimes when im bored i dress in white pour water on the ground and roll around in it and pretend im a papertowel

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No really, try this: You: Say "knock, knock" Your friend: OK, knock knock You: Who's there? Your friend: ...... [this awkward pause makes evident the fact that it has now dawned on your friend that he has to generate content for a joke that he wasn't telling in the first place]

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If Waldo and Carmen Sandiego had a child it would be fictional.

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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What did the farmer say after the chicken started talking? Holy shit a talking chicken.

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Why didn't Michael Jackson celebrate his birthday? He's dead.

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Words with two W's or N's in them are awkward and unnecessary.

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What did Robin say to Justin Beiber? You're gay. Angus L.

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Was the worlds most expensive comedian any fun? Well, he was funny, but they where all cheap laughs. Moral: Expensive jokes are expensive.

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What's green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you? A pool table

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

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What is small, red, and can't fit through a doorway? A baby with a spear through its head. Posted By: Lram

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Peer pressure

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Knock, Knock! Who`s there? Your mama`s stupid! Your mama`s stupid who? Your mama`s stupid as a rock! I` m going to cut your eyes out and use them as baseballs!

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but he may forget to finish the task due to his Alzheimer's.

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What did Tom see after taking a much need long nap? The ceiling.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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