How do you make a mime make noise? Throw a brick at his face

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knock knock whos there i have Alzheimer's I have Alzheimer's who Cream cheese

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Did you hear the one about the bus driver? Me neither

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Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was struck by lightning and died.

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There was a man and a woman. In a lodge all alone ready to create a child. instead of having sex he violently punched her in the face and stabbed her in her armpits until her loud screams for help had stopped.

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Why did a girl get an STD? She had sex.

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What's 18 inches long and makes women scream? Crib death.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I haven't been able to deal Since the day that I lost you. Now these roses bleed red And these violets cry blue I think of you in memories Do you think of me too?

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. *Knock knock* "Who's there?" "Not Sally."

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What do you get when you rub 2 redheads together? Fire.

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Yo momma so fat her pancreas doesn't work anymore.

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I don't have ADHD I just- Hey look a squirrel!

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Why is six afraid of seven? SE7EN!

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Q. want to hear a really funny joke? A. Fred Figglie-horn

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A French man, Irish man and Japanese man walk into a bar, seeing as the men speak different languages no conversation begins.

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Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? She wanted a tattoo.

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Whats worse biting into an apple and finding a worm? -bidoof

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What did Superman say when he forgot his cape? "Where's my cape?"

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What's fun and challenging? Writing an anti-joke.

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Q: What did the black man say to his Ex wife after she placed a restraining order on him? A: nothing, he was no longer allowed contact with her of any kind and thus could not converse with her

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A cheerio gets a job at McDonalds and after working for a while, he gets employee of the month and goes to the district ball. While there, he meets a female(frosted) cheerio whom he asks out. She refuses because she only dates frosted cheerios. So, the male goes back to work for the next year, and his boss is happy with his work, so he asks him if he would like anything. The cheerio says yes, i want to be frosted. The boss says ok, i'll make you frosted, so now that he's frosted, he goes back to the ball. He asks the same female cheerio out, she says yes this time. He then asks her if she wants something to drink, she says yes. She wants some milk. So the guy stands in line for about 15 minutes, when he gets to the front, there is no more milk left. So he asks her if she would like some tea. she says yes. So he goes and stands in line for another 15 minutes only to find out there is no more tea. So then he asks her if she would like some punch, shesays yes. So after an hour of searching, he finds out there is no punchline......

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What did the Catholic Priest say to Chris Hanson? Nothing. He attempted to flea, and was quickly taken down by law enforcement. He was then detained and processed and charged with Intent to commit statutory rape with a minor under the age of 14. He's still awaiting trial.

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what would happen if you took all the veins out of your body and laid them out tip to tip? you die

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was strapped to the first monkey.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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