A man walked into a bar. He was meeting his friends but was 30 minutes early so he went down the road to buy some food. He had recently began dieting after watching a series of lifestyle programs which informed him of the potential risks involved with high cholesterol and blood pressure levels. He purchased a garden salad and a freshly squeezed orange juice, and made it back to the bar in time to meet his friends.

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Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her." The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."

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How do you get santa to stop delivering presents? Kill your parents.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, It's still in its pen.

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Joesph Triphook.

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So, two people park their car and walk into a bar. Wait, no. They were walking into a grocery store and they were riding skateboards, not a car. Then, the kid walks in after them. Oh, did I forget to mention they had children? And also, they're married. So anyway, they walk into this grocery store, and meet a barkeep. Wait no that's ridiculous why would a barkeep be in a grocery store. Let me start over. Bah.. never mind. I forgot what happened next, but it was REALLY FUNNY!

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A man walks into a bar a bartender says, 'why the long face'? the man says 'I just walked into a bar'!!!

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What has two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog.

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Why was the black man tangled in chains at the bottom of the ocean? Because he was a highly skilled diver and environmentalist who tragically entangled himself and consequently died slowly and painfully of suffocation while trying to save a whale from eating waste metal.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, Bushes are red, Oh shit, my garden is on fire

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What starts with P and ends with "oop" POOP

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Q: What's the biggest lie ever? A: Saying you read the Terms of Service

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courestaveesh garasow prau varadesh

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Why did the football player walk so funny? He went to Penn State!

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why did jim die? he had cancer why did jim have no hair? it started to fall out when he was 20 and now he is bald at 30 years old

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The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.

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what do you call a man with no arms no legs cancer and down syndrome? you call him stephen because his name is stephen

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What's black, white and red all over? Half a penguin.

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Three guys walk into a bar. They each have a few drinks. Then all three leave responsibly in a taxi.

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Why did the young boy drop his bus. He was hit by an ice cream.

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Three mexicans walk into a bathroom they all had to go pee.

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why was the white girl not wanting to have a baby with her boyfriend he was black

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why did the boy fly away because his mum shot him out of a cannon

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Q: How many burgers did little Johnny eat? A: Involuntary erections.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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