Person 1: Ask me if i'm a tree. Person 2: Are you a tree? Person 1: No.

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A man walks into a bar gets hurt and falls over

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Why don't you ever stick your hand into the bottom of the jelly bean jar? Cuz' the black ones will steal your watch

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How do you get a woman out of a car? You drive it into a river and her body will float to the top.

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A man walks into a bar with his dog. He orders 14 shots and proceeds to drink. For each shot he takes, he feeds one to his dog, who accepts it willingly. The bartender says "Well I've never seen anything stranger. Why did you order 14 shots, and why are you giving half to your dog." "Well," says the man, "my 14 year old dog was diagnosed with a fatal heart condition. I cannot afford to put him down, so the shots should kill him." The dog then dies.

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Wife, "Wake up... i think there's someone in the house, do something... go downstairs and have a look!" Husband, "Do it yourself." Wife, "You what? You can't expect a woman to fight off an intruder..." Husband, "You women wanted equal rights so here you go, do it yourself."

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Friends are like trees, they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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A man is at the dentists. The dentists says, "Oh my, your teeth are terrible!" The man says, "Yes I know. I am addicted to Meth".

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so a piece of grass is walking down the street..... wait a minute thats not right.

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Knock knock. This is a no soliciting residence, and I do not open my door for strangers.

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Jax vs Pig Jax: HOHAHOHOHAHOHAHOHA... Etc Pig *spinning head like neck is gonna break off* Shao Kahn: FINISH HIM! Jax: GOT YA! OH YEAH... BEASTIALI*Y, BEAST*ALITY? AGAIN?

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Everytime God shuts a door, he opens a window... ...But I am the Goddamn locksmith!

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Knock Knock Who's there Boo Boo who Boo I'm a ghost atleast act scared

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what do you call a black man living in Brooklyn making over ten-thousand dollars a week? a hard worker

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sarah!

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How do you get a black guy to learn how to read? Find a stolen book and tell them that it's the recipe for the spices in fried chicken.

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why do you put a baby in the blender feet first to see its expression

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Q: What do a dead cat and a flower have in common. A: Nothing, just go away.

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why was the man scared of the tree because it was shady

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Knock Knock! Whos there? Doctor! Doctor who? exactly.. how did you know?

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What did Mitch say to joe when he saw his fly was down? Nothing because he's a bagle

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Whats worse than a worm in your apple? -slavery

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What will ur wife say when she finds you in bed with a hore-s.

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Why couldn't the horse open the door? - Because it was locked...Beeeeeeeeeeeeeef Jelly

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops