What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eyepatch? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas? A long sleeve shirt

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How long would it take for a clock to reach 12 It depends on which 12 it is going to land on and which time zone you are in but yet most clocks are not correct so it is very hard to tell

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in an apple within a worm inside your apple...

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you get when you put a pig in an oven? A dead pig.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q what do you do when your friend tells you hes a homosexual A. you tell him that you will accept him and can still be very good friends

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a black man? Black

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What was the strangest part about meeting a girl called Suzie? She had arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the car fall of the cliff? The dude driving the car was driving recklessly.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a blond reading a book? A blond reading a book.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A poor boy receives his first wrapped present in his entire life. Why did he hate it so much? Because it was a copy of "Mien Kampf" Is he Jewish? No, he actually does know what "Mien Kampf" is because he is poor and cannot read.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did Chuck Norris start crying? Because he was in a coma

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A terrorist gets on a plane. He has a pleasant flight and gets off in a new country.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than a pile of dead babies? People that make dead baby jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why was it okay for the people in the hospital to laugh at the patient with narcolepsy? It wasn't. The patients were treated due to moral obligations. But the doctors that laughed had either been fired or warned, depending on if there were previous reports of exploitation of patients.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

whats small and sexually confused? YOu

thumb_up thumb_down +1

who are the worlds fastest readers? the people who jumped on 911 cause they read 48 stories in 10 seconds

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what did the n i g g e r with alzheimers say to the c h i n k? 9/11 was the funniest fake joke since the holocaust and 9/11 and the holocaust and 9/11... and... what?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A lady walks into her bedroom and sees her boy friend having sex with another girl. She hears the phone ring and a voice says "your grandma died".

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Salt: "Hi there!" Slug: "AAÀAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!" *dies*

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops