What happens when you throw a cricket bat at a blonde? She is hurt and reports you to the police for anti-social behaviour.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

What did St. Mary Magdalene tell Pontius Pilate during the crucifixion of Christ? All this chaos is making me CROSS-eyed!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Knock Knock! Who's there? Your landlord. I'm here to collect rent

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's worse than one bee sting? 2 bee stings

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why was the blonde so stupid? He had dyslexia and to make fun of his hardship would truly be a hardship of human morals.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A blonde walks into a salon and says "I would like to get my golden locks trimmed." The haircutter replies "surely, just sit yourself down in that chair over there and I'll be with you momentarily." The blonde walks to the chair and sits down. When the haircutter comes over he asks her, "would you please remove your headset, I can't cut your hair while they're on." She laughs at her forgetfulness and removes them obligingly.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the deaf Jewish Rabbi say to the Italian Priest. What?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

FIRE!!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock Knock "Who's There?" *No answer* The man proceeds to go on with his life

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Ever since I've been using chloroform as cologne I've been getting laid a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How did Helen Keller become blind and deaf? Scarlet fever or meningitis.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: How did that man get two black eyes? A: He was born!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What can be any colour and is made of leather? Cars. I lied about the leather part.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A Woman out of the kitchen

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why did the girl buy wine? She was hosting a party for four of her closest friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Why did the baby cross the road? cause it was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -135

Why do black people eat watermelon? It is a good source of vitamin C.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first koala. Why did the man fall of his bike? He was struck with a falling koala. Why did the fish fall of its bike? Because it's a fish. What is fuzzy and might kill you if it falls on you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

A muslim checks in at an airport and gets on a plane. He reads a book about knitting, gets off the plane at France and goes back to his job as a librarian.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Your mom smells so bad that she proceeded to take a shower and then didnt smell bad at all.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

What's brown and sticky? a stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

why did the boy drop his ice cream? he tripped over his mother's dead body

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops