A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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I really want to know something would all of you like to go on Suspension for 3 weeks? Mr Goodwin

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Knock, Knock! Who's there? Hatch! Hatchoo! Bless you!

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What is worst than your girlfriend's mother?? Osama Bin Laden's One

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wHY DIDN'T THE HORSE FINISH COLLEGE? HIS GRANT RAN OUT AN HE COULDN'T GET ANOTHER STUDENT LOAN.

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How do you stop a bus? throw a boy with an ice cream cone infront of the bus. but...come to think of it, that may not work. he might drop the ice cream on top of it >:l

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What is black and blue? A pen with reversable ink.

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A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I have testicular cancer........"

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Whats the most fun thing you can do with hangers and a vaccum cleaner? -abort babies

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what's the difference between a pogo stick and a traffic cone? well for starters, traffic a cones main function is to cordon off areas or alert drivers to certain areas of road that are not to be breached and pogo sticks are used as toys to heighten bouncing. I'll stop here but the list goes on.

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pady irish man paddy english man and paddy african man go on a magic slide wat ever you say will be at the bottem paddy irish man said gold paddy english man silver paddy african man almost fell off so he said shit buthalf way down he thought it was fun so he said wee

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OMG, THIS ACTUALLY WORKS!! 1. Hold your breath? for 5 minutes. 2. Die

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How do you save the world in 2012? You aren't. 2012 isn't going to happen!

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Knock knock Who's there? Impatient Hellen Keller. Impatient Hellen Keller who? ...

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how do you get blondes to drown? stick a mirror to the bottom of the pool

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What do you call a Mexican? Whatever his name is you racist.

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What's black, white, and red all over? A painting with black, white and red paint.

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Whats black and white and says moo? A Dalmatian retriever with a voice box.

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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why did the little boy cross the road? because he had been raped.

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My wife was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. Yeh I didnt find it very funny either.

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Why did the boy with one arm have no friends? He was a cereal killer from Ireland.

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So three philosophers walk into a bar. Is it necessarily the case that they walk into a bar?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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