"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Chuck Norris." "Chuck Norris who?" "NOBODY SAYS 'CHUCK NORRIS WHO'!!!"

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Why did the black man go to church? Because his father died.

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Whats worse than finding half of a worm in your apple? Noticing the apple is oversized and finding half of a dead baby.

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your mother is a well respected woman in society and makes delicious cookies.

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Why did the man jump into the river? He wanted to go for a swim, but the pool was closed, so he swam in the river.

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What's funnier than seeing a baby falling from the empire state building? Stopping his speed with a shovel

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Steve Mullings isn't on drugs

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Who enjoys hearty wank sessions with friends and long walks on the beach? David Cameron.

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What's better than a $75 000 salary? 80 000 sticks of celery.

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friend' Knock Knock! you; no one home go away

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Is that a banana in your pocket? As a matter of fact, yes it is.

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Q:what's black and white and red all over? A:a panda bear that's been shot in the face.

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Why wouldn't they give Helen Keller a driver's liscense? Because she was a woman.

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two tomatos walked over the road and..... just kidding tomatos can't walk.

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How do you get Doctor Phil in a bikini? Give him a little alcohol to ease inhibitions and offer him a suitable bribe.

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While i was driving, my son asked, 'Have you had an accident in the last 5 years Dad?' And I replied, 'You're almost four now son'.

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How do you fix a chimpanzee? With a monkey wrench

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i find your gravy quite lumpy.

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Q: why did the cookie go to the doctor??? A: because he was sick

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Knock, Knock ...

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Nope, but yeah Felix looks a lot like Mickey Mouse, I think, nah it was Oswald the Lucky rabbit I believe, and he used to get his ass kicked by... Damn, what`s the name of the fat cat that beat up Mickey in steamboat willie?

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What did the Mexican, the European, and the Canadian all have in common? They weren't used in this joke the last time someone posted it on anti-joke.com.

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what did the red rock say to the blue rock? Nothing. Rocks can't talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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