2 polar bears are standing on a chunk of ice that is floating in the Arctic Sea. One turns to the other and says, 'Dyu know; I keep thinking it's Thursday...'

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What did the smoker get for christmas? A bike.

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What's the square root of 69? 8.306623862918075

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Mary once had a boyfriend with a wooden leg; however, itt was a highly dysfunctional relationship, as the boyfriend was much too possessive of Mary. So Mary was forced to bring a close to the relationship.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor? -Cody Williams

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What do you give a sick bird? First-Aid tweetment.

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Why did the bird fall out of the tree?" "Because it was dead?" "No. Becaus it was stapled to the squirrel.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a piece of coal? The coal doesn't scream when you burn it.

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What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot and spicy, and the other analyzes urine [Emo Philips]

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? -- Because she had no arms Why did sally drop her ice cream? -- Because she got ran over by the ice cream truck

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Anyone reading this I'm not writing anything Kevin

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whats first than finding a worm in your apple? a blonde who asks you why there is a worm in your apple

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Why couldn't Carys answer the phone? - She had an ear infection.

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Well, as you know, I have alzheimers and... ... ... ... ... ... Well, as you know, I have alzheimers.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house No? Neither has he!

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How do you avoid being hit with a toaster? You don't walk past the man hitting you with a toaster.

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whats worse than getting a papercut on the tip of your finger? getting crushed by a refrigerator

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How do you kill a crackhead Put her in a shredder and put the remainings in your ex wifes refrigerator

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A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

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Did you see stevie wonders new house? No. Well he hasnt either

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Why did the boat sink? It ran into an iceberg.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Scout? The Scout gets to come home from camp.

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Q: What did the teen mom put her newborn daughter up for? A: Adoption

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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