What did the man with the knife say to the ostrich? Run or I'll stab you!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the man put his penis in the baby? Because it's warmer than a watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

If you have 24 hours to live what would u choose to do? I would choose to take stander ised testing b/c it feels like it's forever.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q: What's the difference between a vampire and a lawyer? A: A lot of things.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Knock knock Who's there? Impatient Hellen Keller. Impatient Hellen Keller who? ...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q: Whats worse than 5,000,000 African Americans being killed? A: 1 White person being killed

thumb_up thumb_down -9

man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasn't that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A man walked into a bar. He was meeting his friends but was 30 minutes early so he went down the road to buy some food. He had recently began dieting after watching a series of lifestyle programs which informed him of the potential risks involved with high cholesterol and blood pressure levels. He purchased a garden salad and a freshly squeezed orange juice, and made it back to the bar in time to meet his friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the first Monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second Monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first Monkey. Why did the third Monkey fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably because that's where all of the other chickens are.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the little kid fall off the rollercoaster? His dad threw him off.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

roses are red, violets are red, a girl had her period in my garden.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

That awkward moment when you wonder why this person keeps stepping on you, and you realize that you’re a shoe.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What goes in your mouth long and hard, and comes out soft and sticky? A stick of bubblegum.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Bob: What's red and goes ding-a-ling? Trudy: A red ding-a-ling? Bob: Yes. What's blue and goes ding-a-ling? Trudy: A blue ding-a-ling? Bob: No, they only come in red.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Who are you texting? YOUR MOTHER.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Billy: You're so ugly you made an onion cry! Jack: I'm rubber and you are glue, whatever you say bounces back and sticks to you. Billy was so upset at what he said and decided to leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

fduck

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Alot of people try to make shitty jokes on this webpage, thinking they're funny. They aren't.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the fish say when it hit the big stone wall? DAM

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you call a black man with a gun? A cop

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why does god like Justin Bieber? He can't god doesn't like the devil.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Dad: sussy, do you know how you were made? Sussy: No, how? Dad: With this DICK!!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops