And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have 5 fingers The third one is for you

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Roses are Roses Violets are Violets I am to Literal, That is a statement.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Call me a banana. You're a banana. No I'm not

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can i have 10 pounds to go to the cinema?

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Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

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A wife asks her husband if he can fix the sink and he responds with Do I have plumber written on my forehead. Then she asks him if he can fix the porch and he responds with Do I have contractor written on my forehead. So the husband goes on vacation and comes back to find the sink and porch fixed and he asks his wife how it is fixed and she says that the new neighbor helped. So she says the neighbor said he would only do it for cake or sex. The husband respond by saying Which one did you choose. His wife responds by saying Do I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead.

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Anyone??????????/

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Why did the blonde walk into the wall? I lied it was nathaniel nugnes

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Q. Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? A. Because he's dead.

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A women frantically calls the doctor and says, " Doctor, doctor, give me the news! I have a bad case of loving you."

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How do you get a blind man out of a tree? Yes.

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Your mom's your dad's wife. Except when she's not.

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Why did the blonde flunk out of school? Because she was a fucking idiot.

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Women's rights.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke-'er-face

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? 27

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How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? With teamwork and coordination, each could place one foot on the seat, and they can all stand up using each other for balance and support. The fact that they are gay is irrelevant.

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Why was Sally rolling in the grass? She was on fire.

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R.I.P. Steve Jobs

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Take this and put it- No.

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What do you do with a dog with no legs? Take it for a drag.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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