What's made of wood and has an eraser? a 2x4 i lied about the eraser.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did Santa say to the prostitute? "Merry Christmas!"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are red Violets are red Oh sh*t the gardens on fire

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What is the difference between a black man and a sofa? A black man is a human being with feelings, while a sofa is an inanimate object that people sit on in order to enjoy comfort and possibly watch television.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock Knock! Who's there? The doorbell repair man.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call an Irish man with no legs? Handicapped

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the woman make so many sandwiches? Because she was a mother catering her child's sporting event.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what did reed read? the most recent anti-joke

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what do abortion and a coat hanger have in common? they both contain 4 vowels

thumb_up thumb_down +12

sdasdadasdasd

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q:what do you call a black man in a wheel chair? A: a war veteran who accidentally stepped on a land mine while trying to protect his country.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the blonde get for Christmas? A Brain

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Haikus are easy But they often dont make sense flying flamingos

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A Christian walks in into a bar . . . mitzvah.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whats red and bad for your teeth? A brick Courtesy of: http://samsjokeoftheweek.moonfruit.com/

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How can you spot a blind person at a nudist colony? They might be carrying a white stick, or have a guide dog or someone to help them navigate the premises.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was feeling suicidal due to an existential crisis.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did they bury the pope on the side of the hill? Because he is dead

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What can u see in the dark that u can't see in the light? Absolutely nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's black and hangs from a tree? A bat.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops