What's white and can't climb trees? Yogurt

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when life gives you lemons you make lemonade when life gives you a homisidle brige you clearly have done something to make life angery

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I just had major Deja Vu... Cool, Brett. No one cares.

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Situation: 2 cows eating grass on a warm Sunday night. Question: Why does 9+4=3 1/2? Answer: 69!

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Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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Why didn't Jane go to school last Thursday? It was summer. No one went to school last Thursday.

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Chuck Norris never shows emotion!!!... because he is a pragmatic person and thinks in a more logical manner.

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Why do you call a person who spits in your cheeseburger? A mean person

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Nobody, this is a metaphorical door..

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How many Women's Rights activists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything.

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Why did the blonde jump off the bridge? She was clinically depressed and wanted to end her life

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There was a Jewish man and a German man why was it akward? Because one of them farted

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Two muffins are in an oven one muffin says to the other muffin "It's hot in here" the other muffin says "Holy crap a talking muffin".

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Q: Whats pointy and sharp and rhymes with life? A: A spear. It's close enough.

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Three explorers are walking through the jungle when they are suddenly captured by a group of cannibals, the cannibals, going through years of culture and hereditary custom, kill the explorers, skin their bodies, chop them to pieces and cook their flesh, finally they eat it giving them a prosperous feast while the rest of the world is unaware of whatever happened in that jungle.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? "Dwane!" I don't know any Dwane. Perhaps you have the wrong address. "Oh. Sorry to have bothered you!"

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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Why did t chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock, knock. Who's there? The chicken

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Why did the deer cross the road? The overpopulation of man has caused an expansion of construction into the habitat of the deer and it has required him to occasionally frequent human populated areas.

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-Why was six afraid of seven? -Because seven's a rapist

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What's the only thing better than winning a gold medal in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

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hey i just met you and this is c r a z y , but im a pirate so call me matey ;)

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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Because he's usually in a good mood.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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