What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers

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Why did the dog cross the road? He was on a walk with his owner so they used a crosswalk to safely get back home.

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What's brown and sticky? Poop.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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Why did the man walk into the bar? He wast thirsty.

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a black guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "get out of here, whites only" this joke takes place in the 1950's when african americans were discriminated against

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A little boy asked his mom what fucking was, so she showed him.

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What's 2+2? It's certainly not 1.

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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A monkey enters a bar and climbs up on a stool. The bartender asks, "What'll ya have, pal?" The monkey, who can niether speak nor understand English, appears slightly perplexed.

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A sheep goes up to to a horse and asks "Does you speak sheep?".The horse replies ''Neigh''.

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How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her? They sent her to her room.

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SNAPPLE!

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An insane individual walks into a bank and asks for $500. The teller refuses since he doesn't have an account, so the individual pulls out a gun and asks the teller again. The teller presses the silent panic button, causing the cops to show up and arrest the gunman, but not before he manages to shoot the teller and the small child standing next two counters over.

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Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 is a registered sex offender.

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Why did the mans nuts itch he had crabs

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road Because he did

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Why did Nicholas Cage cross the street? To steal the Declaration of Independence.

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Just call the fire department, they're trained for that kind of stuff

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An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

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Why did the girl fall off the couch? She had a seizure.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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Q: why did the girl fall off the swing?? A: because she had no arms or legs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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